The Art of Listening + Thoughtful Communication

Written by丹尼克拉克

I’ve found myself noticing again. While the world has us all in near-constant motion and therefore, in many ways distracted, I still feel this sense of equilibrium when I take the time to pause, and especially when I take the time to listen. There are many things that can happen when I reach within and place my attention back out into who and what I hear. Sometimes, I encounter quiet first. And in this quiet exists something that allows thought to expand and contract–making room for nuances that when noticed, give insight into individual and shared life experiences. Some may call this “presence”; others call it “attunement.”

Personally, I’m fond of the term “attunement,” which is used in the Humanities to represent a kind of listening that attends to difference, respect, collaboration, and community engagement, where people listen for the context, social position, and power structures that can build into and around a person. When it comes to music, tuning is a recognition of rhythm and a movement towards harmony not merely through sounds, but also through vibrations that are felt as much as they are heard–just as our words can be felt as much as they are heard.The impact of sound and vibration on the body creates felt senses that move past the skin, often beyond consciousness—passing through and embedding into bodily memory: landing upon and evoking response. As a practice, attunement hinges on a person’s ability to acknowledge and adjust within an environment. In life we are constantly attuning ourselves—to our surroundings, social contexts, and particularly the potential for connection with both of those things. With regard to that last item, attunement implies response-ability towards other people, and an openness to change as we draw closer to one another and mutual understanding.

因此，从安静和声音，倾听可以让我们深深地位于自己和其他人的思想思想和好奇心。现在，这部分很重要，因为它很容易被同情和同情之间的空间陷入困境，而这两件事也不会困惑。为了同情思想和谈话是能够识别与别人的经历的自身内在自己内部的能力，而同情在感觉和过于急切地尝试以识别以“至少”开始的银行衬里的陈述更加艰难地分享“并以判断结束。休斯顿大学的Afterordinaire的研究教授Brene Brown提供了更好的描述，对同情和同情进入我们的生活短暂的动画视频. So, in order to be active, engaged conversationalists and meaning-makers, we must not only talk well, but we must also become active, thoughtful listeners.

也许你想知道这个聆听实际上是什么样的，也许更具体地说，在人们对人互动的情况下。我会说，在聆听时，在掌握人类联系的力量的支持时，它可能会在对话和关系方面产生深刻的发展。It is important to note that connection does not always feel like the effortless acknowledgement of similarity, but rather the recognition that despite the challenges of difference, our personhood is worth sharing with one another.对我来说，这采用了质疑询问和空间的形式。当我提出问题时，我为自己创造了机会，为自己说话而言，为了进一步扩大他们的想法。当我允许自己真正考虑我听到的东西并开始想象来自其他人的角度的内容，我打开了我对一个新的认知和情感景观以及我的思想更深入的好奇心和探究。虽然我抓住了透视的差异和未知的领土，它在与另一个人的每一个对话中都有自己的谈话，但我一定要通过提供陈述来反映我听到的声明，“所以，我听到了（插入共享的角度来看）。这是你的意思吗？“或者“你能告诉我更多关于（插入其他人的陈述）吗？”这使得澄清和辨别我不会立即掌握并使我们都走向共享的东西。

当通过质疑追求追求更好的聆听时，抵制冲动立即回复给出的答案是关键。仅限谈话中的简要沉默出现to be uncomfortable, while actually doing the important work of creating space to pause and consider. The ability to verbally reflect back and have patience with responses is a valuable skill, as is the ability to reflect back what is communicated nonverbally.我喜欢注意肢体语言并与我匹配，这会传达所指出的时间，从而将其他人重视。如果有人穿过手臂，避免长时间的目光接触，或者通常面向我，我将此作为情绪不适的潜在指标。无论他们的原因如何，这些非语言行为通常需要一个敏感的响应，这可能看起来像提供更多的物理空间，反映他们的非特性，从而不需要它们进行目光接触，并使用语音来沟通整体安全的护理。情况。建立信任对任何有意义的对话至关重要，并且有很多信任来自注意到，尊重和回应彼此的情绪。虽然匹配的肢体语言对大多数互动有用，但也可以通过直接面对这个人来设置谈话的基调，因为我们经常在哪里指导我们的身体是我们引导我们的注意。这些是我在自己的聆听和沟通实践中学到的一些事情，而是通过记住每个人都接近自己的生活经历和倾听关闭的互动，而是对此背景，真正的连接越来越可能。

What we have to offer each other is rich with nuance, each thought tucked within unique, personal histories. As we hone our attention to what others say and mean, we improve the quality of our collective understanding. Yet the listening I’ve been talking about is not limited to the world outside the mind but also involves the interior life of every listener. What I mean by this is, the more time taken to listen, suspend assumptions, and ask clarifying questions, the more articulate and exacting our own internal thoughts and communication become. This makes me wonder how you think about the words you hear and speak. My thoughts are with yours as I mentally walk through the words and ideas I’ve written–where did you pause? When and what did you feel? Do you agree or disagree and with what parts? Do you have more questions?

我希望你有更多问题。

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